A huge blocker to your growth is insecurity. 
It can appear in the form of self-comparison or feelings of inadequacy, fear of the unknown or uncertainty, jealousy, anger or rage, in fact, especially hidden under anger or rage, and sometimes resentment. 

Yet it all boils down to one factor, and no, that’s not on the outside – the WHY. Why did the external event/person trigger the insecurity already present in you? 

Because the insecurity came not from outside. The external event/person is simply a reflection showing you what’s already present on the inside – within you.

There is nothing anyone can do that you haven’t already done to yourself.

Suppose any situation/person makes you feel insecure or even hurt, angry, helpless, etc., it’s because that feeling is already present in you, like an old forgotten program running in the background. You were unconscious of it. The button was already there in you, they simply pushed it. So, what you experienced just made the unconscious conscious. In a way be grateful that the button got exposed because of the event/person.

By saying this, I’m not condoning any form of abusive behaviour, mentally, emotionally, or physically. Never compromise on your personal boundaries. All I’m saying is now that you know what the button is, you know what to work on.

Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate.

Carl Jung

Here are some examples of the corresponding thoughts related to the forms of insecurity mentioned above:

• Self-comparison/inadequacy: ‘I am not as good as them. Maybe I’ll not get that promotion/position/prize.’
  
• Fear of the unknown/uncertainty: This especially occurs during transition phases, such as after passing out of high school/college, death of a loved one, job loss, break-up, divorce, retirement and is usually accompanied by the thoughts, ‘What do I do now? I feel lost/confused.’
  It also appears as a mid-life crisis. 
  
• Jealousy: ‘She/he is better than me, I may not get what I want, he/she may get further ahead of me, why is my boyfriend /girlfriend /husband/wife looking at that girl/boy? Maybe I am not good enough.’
  
• Anger/rage: ‘I will lose control over him/her/the situation.’
  
• Resentment: ‘I hate him/her but have to listen because I depend on him/her.’ 

The Why

There is just one cause of insecurity – you focusing on the fearful thoughts till they become your beliefs, which then run your life. 

The more you focus and mull over a thought, the more energy you give it. It gets stronger and cements into a belief. Your beliefs are the foundation on which you build your life. All beliefs come from repeated practice and conditioning.

Once a belief takes root, it attracts like thoughts, just as flowering plants attract bees. These thoughts gradually accumulate to create a story that becomes a part of your identity. You then begin to live out that story as your life, drawing in experiences that match the beliefs you already have in place.

You get so entangled in the story that you do not realize you are not the story or the beliefs creating it!

Identifying With Insecurity

When doing the inner work, some of my clients hit upon the emotional layer of insecurity and say, “I am insecure /I am not safe.”

Correction, something I point out immediately. “You are not Insecure/Insecurity/Not Safe.” That is not who You are. You are ‘feeling’ insecure/unsafe. 

Moreover, the one who’s actually feeling insecure is your ego-self, which created the story. It’s not even You. Trapped in its own stories and identities, it is normal for the ego-self to feel constantly insecure. It continually seeks to keep its labels and identities safe, and what better way than to inject you with fear so that you always have your defenses up by feeling insecure! It thrives on insecurity! Else, it cannot exist.
But you are not ‘the insecurity’. So stop identifying with it by becoming aware and consciously separating yourself from the feeling.

Overcoming It

After you consciously separate yourself from the insecurity, now it’s time to observe and accept the feeling itself. Let it rise, express itself, listen to what it has to say, and finally let it pass through you. This process is commonly termed as ‘facing your fears’. 

(Caution: If it is connected to a deep-rooted trauma or phobia, it would be wise to do the process with a coach/therapist/facilitator.) 

Yes, it’s an uncomfortable process. The sensations which arise in your body can seem unbearable. Take deep breaths, let the tears roll if they must, let your body shiver, react, but sit through it. Resolve to sit through it while being conscious that this experience, sensations, feelings, and these thoughts are not you. You remain in complete awareness. 

It’s almost like a drug addict abstaining from drugs and experiencing withdrawal symptoms. The drug, in this case, being the repetitive thoughts and feelings that you have been unconsciously, incessantly feeding with your focus throughout your life.

As the fearful, hurting thoughts come up, observe. Do not engage. 

Simply question, ‘is this true?’ Is it the absolute truth and nothing more? 

You already possess the inner knowing that the thoughts aren’t your absolute truth. 

As you slowly distance away from the thoughts, the underlying belief that attracted them reveals itself. The beliefs could be: 

• I am not good enough. 
• I am unlovable. 
• I am not worthy. 
• I don’t deserve.
• I don’t matter. 
• I am not attractive.
• I am not important. 
• I am not a priority.
• I always lose people I love. 
• People I love don’t love me back. 
• Money is hard to earn. 
• Money doesn’t grow on trees!
• Rich people suck!
• I have to work hard. 
• Money is so difficult to earn. 
• I’m always broke. 
• I might fail. 
• I am alone. 
• I am lonely. 
• No one understands me. 
• Something always pushes away my luck. 

You get the drift. 

Now gently question that belief. A memory associated with when you first formed that belief may pop up. Invite in that younger self, the younger you. Infuse him/her with love. Infuse the situation he/she faced with love. Let him/her relax and know that it’s safe now. Whatever the issue was, is now gone, and you no longer need to hold on to the belief. 

This process, in gist, is Inner Child Work. By doing this work, you are undoing your past programming.  

Once your younger self (your younger self can also be a few hours young and you as a child) completely releases the emotions, gently flip the belief he/she was holding on to. So, ‘I am unlovable’, becomes ‘I am lovable, ‘I am not enough’ becomes ‘I am enough’ and so on. 

Now practice focusing on those beliefs, and gradually they get instilled in you. Your story will transform dramatically. 

If this is where you want to reach you can stop reading here. If not, read on…

Journeying Beyond

If you do not want to stop at just flipping your beliefs… if you want to go further than the belief work, right through the egoic self and its shadows, beyond the realm of the mind, ask yourself, “Who am I?” 

Beyond these beliefs influenced by societal/cultural conditionings, who am I? Who am I if I stop believing all my thoughts and beliefs? Who am I without them? Who am I without all these identities I carry? 

Who am I without this body? 

And here is when, my friend, the real adventure begins, as you release yourself from the clutches of good-bad, right-wrong, good beliefs – bad beliefs….

With the release of every belief, you liberate yourself. You begin to journey beyond this dimension of duality. You are born into this world, but you are not of this world. Stop seeing yourself as small, as simply a limited human body swayed by emotions. You are not the body.

And stop swaying to the vagaries of the mind. You are not it. 

Dive deep and uncover your True Self. You are awaiting YourSelf at the end of the road. You always were. And you have been waiting and searching for a very long time now. Transcend it all. 

Come back home – To YourSelf. You are safe. You always have been. 

(The featured artwork above is by Yuumei. You can view her artwork @ https://www.yuumeiart.com/)